Lessons from Kindergarten on Balancing Your Purpose with Motherhood
If there was ever any doubt, mothers at least know that being a mom isn’t easy. While motherhood is filled with countless joys, it involves caring for and developing a life that’s dependent on you for survival. This requires love and countless sacrifices, which can often result in perpetual feelings of exhaustion ranging from fatigue to complete burnout.
Regardless of your age, how many children you have, where you live, or how insanely capable or talented you are, it isn’t always easy being your best self when you’re consistently under pressure to live up to unrealistic expectations (self-imposed or otherwise). Simply put, the struggle is real!
On my journey to be more intentional with my life, and the constant juggling act of managing personal and career ambitions with trying to be an amazing mom, I was reminded of Robert Fulghum’s best-selling book “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.”
This insightful book is a set of essays about the enduring life lessons that are taught and/or reinforced in kindergarten, and how they are relevant throughout all stages of our life. Robert’s list of the ‘things he learned in kindergarten” are simple, but fundamental rules like:
Share everything.
Play fair.
Don’t hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don’t take things that aren’t yours.
Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life—learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.
Be aware of wonder….
While most of the above list is self-explanatory, and one of items on his list is about living a balanced life, as someone who’s ‘been to kindergarten’ on two separate occasions, as a student and again as a teacher, I began to ask myself, “What if the fundamentals of balancing motherhood with personal development and growth were also grounded in the lessons we learned in kindergarten?”
As I’ve outlined below, the simple answer is...yes, they are, or at least, they can be.
Be Present…
I can still remember being so excited to say “Present!” in Mrs. Gandy’s kindergarten class when she announced my name during roll-call! However, if I fast forward to my current reality, I realize how often I’ve been the very opposite. Being present is all about being more focused and engaged in the now, rather than focusing on what’s to come or what has to be done in the future. Which isn’t to say you shouldn’t worry about those things, but it’s about making a conscious decision to quiet the noise of your mind and focus on who or what is in front of you.
So, make a conscious effort to ‘mark yourself present’ during the moments of your life:
Start small - Try being present for two or three minutes at a time, and build from there.
Compartmentalize - Focus on what’s most important in the moment.
When you’re home, rather than focusing on the tv or your phone, focus on your beautiful child or your significant other, focus on the fleeting intimate moments between you that can never be fully captured in words or with a photograph.
When you’re at work or serving your personal passions, rather than focusing on the clock, focus on the task at hand, focus on working with your team, focus on solving that next business problem or listening to a client or customer voice their needs.
As your kindergarten teacher would say, use your five senses - Being present in the moment is about embracing and connecting with what you’re seeing, what you’re smelling, what you’re touching, hearing, or tasting so that you can truly experience your life.
Life is made up of billions and billions of moments, if our goal is to live a purposeful and intentional life, then we must embrace what life has to offer by being intentional, present and attentive to our purpose in as many of those moments as possible.
Celebrate the Small Wins…
Being a kindergarten teacher for two years, I saw first hand the power and importance of positive reinforcement. If a child walked quietly down the hall, they received a sticker. If a child learned to read a new word, they received a special cheer. If a child answered a math problem correctly, they were told to kiss their brains. As children, our wins were celebrated, no matter how small.
Unfortunately as adults, we often overlook the small victories, focusing only on big things like birthdays, anniversaries, or that new raise or promotion; but as busy moms, we have to celebrate our small wins:
Successfully make it to daycare minutes before the pick up deadline? Give yourself a pat on the back.
Beast your presentation at work? Give yourself a cheer.
Somehow fit going to the gym into your jam-packed schedule of work and home to-dos? Clap for yo’ damn self. You deserve to be applauded!
Acknowledging and celebrating your victories boosts self-confidence, incentivizes desired behaviors, and motivates us to reach further and accomplish more.
Use Your Words aka Don’t be Afraid to Ask for Help…
As moms, we have to be masters of multitasking, whether it’s holding your child in one arm while you complete a task with the other or dashing from one thing to the next. We’re constantly planning and preparing for things we need to do or pick up, places we need to be, and people we need to see, with our children being a key part of how we decide what we need to do and how we need to do it.
However, as the old African proverb says, it takes a village to raise a child!
I’m extremely fortunate to have my husband who’s a phenomenal partner and helpmate, but even with his support, and the occasional support of others, I still often feel overwhelmed and overworked.
However, what I’ve learned from my experience as a mom trying to balance a meaningful life within the home with a purposeful life outside of the home is: (1) moms and especially single moms are real life superheroes; and (2) all moms, regardless of how much support they have from family or partners, need to learn to ask for help.
I don’t know where this notion came from that, in order for women to “have it all,” they need to “do it all” and “be everything to everybody,” but it isn't healthy or attainable, and it needs to end now!
Use your words freely and openly to ask for help, ask for support, and ask for guidance or advice. If you don’t communicate your needs at home, at work, and everywhere in between, then they more than likely won’t be met. As I’ve already said, moms (especially single moms) are real-life superheroes, but the reality is, none of us are superhuman, and even if we were, even they need help from time to time (Have you seen the Avengers?). We all need support, we all need allies, but most importantly, we all need help.
Regardless of what you’ve heard, asking for help isn’t weak or defeatist, it’s brave, empowering, and an absolute necessity to reach our potential as moms, professionals, and human beings!
Sharing is Caring…
Sharing continues to become increasingly more important in our society and culture. From the explosion of social media and the sharing economy, to the countless companies looking to promote more knowledge sharing and collaboration across employee groups, everyone is trying to get in on the sharing movement. While I’m sure our five-year-old selves didn’t explore the philosophical meaning of sharing is caring, sharing is caring is all about offering our tangible and intangible possessions to others in an effort to acknowledge their humanity, and empathize with their wants or needs, with the hope that if the shoe were on the other foot, they would do the same.
As a mom, sharing can be a powerful exchange that involves the gift and receipt of ideas, lessons, and experiences, allowing us to be heard, be inspired, and inspire.
Find A Tribe: Find a group of like-minded people in your personal and professional life who you can bond with, relate to, and share experiences, difficulties, and successes. This could be your Mom Tribe, Work Tribe, or what I like to call your ‘Home Team,’ or family and friends who are willing to hear you out, help you problem-solve, and support you in becoming the best version of yourself. There’s an undeniable solace in sharing experiences or best practices and knowing that there’s an innate commonality and kinship among you that reaffirms you are not alone.
Share the Wealth and Feel Wealthy: Tell others about your goals, your experiences and your challenges so they can support you, hold you accountable, and join in celebrating your wins. Be willing to listen and do the same for them. Sharing takes a level of vulnerability and can at times be scary because you’re giving a part of yourself or something you hold valuable to others, but it is equally rewarding and mutually inspiring for that same reason.
Being a mom in today’s modern world certainly isn’t easy, but it also isn’t impossible. In fact, if we reflect on some of the basic principles we learned as children, we might begin to wrap our heads around how we can set ourselves up for success.
Remember, no one’s perfect; that’s what erasers are for. It’s about growth, community, and never giving up because every day you juggle your mom ambitions with your personal purpose, you get stronger and better. Give yourself time and space to blossom into the amazing mom boss you are intended to be, because while they say “practice makes perfect,” it doesn’t; practice actually makes PROGRESS!
If you enjoyed this post and would like more information on being intentional with your motherhood, check out my posts on value and goal-based living, intentional self-care, childcare and development, and relationships.