Finding Joy: Nurturing Relationships in the Era of Social Distancing

This is hard. I mean, this is really, really hard. We’re just months removed from the first reported coronavirus case in the United States, and the pandemic has already infected more than 1.7 million people globally, with more than half a million cases in the U.S. alone. While my husband and I are blessed to still be in good health, we, like many of you, are still getting acclimated to our new normal of balancing work responsibilities with full-time roles as teacher and round-the-clock caregiver.

To make matters much worse, this week, my 95-year-old grandmother was unexpectedly admitted to the ICU with pneumonia, forcing me to grieve the potential loss of one of the most important people in my life. The thought of my grandmother, who I’m named after and who’s played a critical role in molding me into the woman I am today, leaving this earth without me having another chance to touch her, hug her, or see her again in person has almost been too much to bear. Thankfully, a compassionate nurse in the ICU helped us coordinate a Zoom call on Saturday, allowing her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren to join the call, share how much we love her, and remind her of what a phenomenal woman, mother, and matriarch she is.

While I pray that I’m able to hug or at least see my grandma one more time, going through this experience has brought to the forefront some of the harsh realities being faced by the friends and families of the over 100,000 people that have died of coronavirus. It has also been a loud wake up call reminding me of the crucial importance of investing time today in the relationships that matter most while I still can.

Since no one knows when their time will be up, here are some tips on how to foster and nurture your relationships with intentionality during this coronavirus crisis:

Define the Relationships that Spark Joy

If you’ve read any of organization guru and author Marie Kondo’s best-selling books, or watched  her wildly successful Netflix reality series, Tidying Up, you’re familiar with the KonMari Method, which focuses on only keeping things in your life that ‘spark joy’ as you declutter your home. But why stop there? Prioritizing relationships with people who spark joy can be of even greater importance and have an extremely positive impact on your mental health and wellness. 

1. Identify Who’s Most Important...: When you think about the most important relationships in your life, who comes to mind? For most of us, this initial list will be some combination of your children, spouse, close friends and family. This is the first layer of relationships you should seek to focus on and nurture during this time of crisis. Not only will you be reinvigorated and encouraged by their energy, but you will more than likely brighten their spirits as well. 

2. ...But Don’t Forget to Dig Deeper: Now that you’ve established your most important relationships, it’s time to dig deeper. The other day, my husband mentioned that he was scrolling through the contacts in his phone and was amazed at how many friends and family members he hadn’t talked to in months or years because of...well, you know, life. Now he’s committed to decluttering his phone based on who’s ‘sparked joy’ over the years, and reconnecting with the people who have. In the spirit of solidarity, and because I think it’s a brilliant idea, I’ve committed to do the same. Here’s how it works:

1. Scan your phone contacts, making note of names that bring you fond memories (i.e.  friends, colleagues, or family who you value but haven’t had the chance to connect with recently) and deleting names of people you know you’ll never contact again.  

2. Take the initiative to call, text or email someone on that list once a day or at a minimum a few times a week to see how they’re doing. 

3. For extra credit, look through your friends list on Facebook to see if any names jump out at you. Are there any friends, family or otherwise that have brought you joy over your lifetime? It could be your best friend from elementary school you haven’t talked to in decades or that college friend you just haven’t kept up with. 

4. Also, consider checking in on older relatives. They are the most at risk and are worth sharing some of your joy.  

Cultivate those Relationships that Spark Joy

The people over your lifetime that have sparked joy have impacted your life and helped mold you into the person you are today. On the flipside, who knows the impact you’ve had on their lives or the impact you could have just by checking in. The silver lining to all of the currently cancelled activities, postponed events, and forbidden social gatherings is that we now have quite a bit more time than we’re accustomed to. So invest some of this extra time into making the effort with your relationships rather than excuses and watch how your energy and joy tank begin to fill up. 

1. Stay connected: You may not be able to grab a meal, plan a trip, or even meet in person with those you care about, but technology has you covered. With video conferencing apps like FaceTime, Google Hangout, Skype, Zoom, HouseParty and countless others, it’s easier than ever to connect remotely with those that matter. Plan some virtual happy hours, dinner dates, or family get-togethers. You can even attend a virtual workout class, watch a movie or tv show together, or plan a virtual playdate. 

2. Put it on the calendar: Because of the quarantine and life’s many obligations, it’s highly unlikely that we’ll find ourselves spending time with extended family and friends without prior planning. If you don’t schedule it, it more than likely won’t happen. So, put it on the calendar! Send a reminder or calendar invite for the day and time you’d like to connect, or set aside a rough time when both of you can plan to be available. 

Use this pandemic as an opportunity to more deliberately invest in the relationships that give you energy and spark joy, because with joy comes love, hope, and peace, and our society and world could use a whole lot more of all four. While it’s unclear how much longer we’ll be in social isolation, dealing with the coronavirus, or how much longer my grandma will be with us, I’m reminded that true legacy is not defined by what we leave behind for others but rather what we leave behind in others!

If you enjoyed this post and would like more information on being intentional with your life, check out my posts on value and goal-based living, intentional self-care, childcare and development, and relationships.