Embracing the “I” in Valentine: 4 Ways to Intentionally Love and Care for Yourself
Hi Strategic Moms,
Unless you’re living under a rock, I’m sure you’re well aware that today is the day for heart-shaped chocolate boxes, bouquets of roses and most importantly, love. L-O-V-E, the four-letter word that describes an emotion and choice that has been the glue to relationships for centuries, whether they be romantic, platonic, familial, or spiritual.
My love for family, my husband, and my daughter, while uniquely different, have taught me just how deep, enduring, and unconditional love can be. My love for my husband is intimate and symbiotic, defined by the ways we energize, complement, entertain, and challenge each other; while my love for my daughter is a literal consequence of me and my husband’s love, defined by the profound bond that she and I developed while she was growing inside of me, and reaffirmed by a desire to protect, provide, and nurture her every single day. Both have shown me that in many ways, love can best be described as a joyful sacrifice. It requires a willingness to abandon what is easy or comfortable for something greater and much more rewarding.
As moms, we intimately know what it means to love. From well before our children were born until long after we become moms, we’re programmed and trained to put our children first and pour all we have into them. And while the notion of prioritizing your children and loved ones’ needs is valid and extremely important, it begs the question;
“If you give all of yourself to everyone else, what does that leave for you?” Or in other words, “how in the heck do you pour from an empty cup?”
So, while the focus of this “Season of Love” is typically on external relationships – your significant other, your relationship with your children, or your friendships -- I’d like to band with other Strategic Moms to start a movement to repurpose Valentine’s Day as a celebration of self-love, used at least in part, to commit to more thoughtful and intentional self-care practices.
Self-love is every Strategic Mom’s secret weapon in the war against self-doubt, anxiety, overwhelming pressure, and guilt. You owe yourself at least the same amount of love that you so freely give to others so, here are some gifts that you should start to intentionally give yourself this Valentine’s Day and every day:
1) Give Yourself Boundaries: If you’re anything like me, it seems like almost every minute of your day is dedicated to checking something off a long list of things that have to get done for others -- cleaning around the house, performing at work, being a good wife, or being your child’s personal coach, maid, and Uber driver, but the reality is that you have to set boundaries so you can carve out time for you and the things that make you feel most alive. This isn’t just a want, but an absolute need. So, give yourself a license to just say no. No, is such a powerful word as a parent, not simply because you have to be intentional about setting clear boundaries for your children, but also because you have to set very clear boundaries for everyone else you engage with -- your coworkers, your friends, your parents, your siblings, your significant other… and while some are harder than others, the list goes on and on. I’ve found that one of the most courageous acts of radical self-love is intentionally prioritizing your time and energy by being very deliberate about how much of yourself you freely give away. For example, if a non-pressing work email comes through outside of working hours, resist the temptation to open it. If someone asks you to do them a favor and you really don’t have the capacity, don’t. Being a strategic mom means saying ‘No’ to the things that aren’t critical or high on the priority list, so we have the time and the space to say ‘Yes’ to the things that matter most.
2) Give Yourself Time: Now that you’ve set some boundaries, give yourself some of the time you’ve freed up! Now I’ll be the first to acknowledge that, as a mom, this is often easier said than done, especially when it seems like you’re living in a constant state of organized chaos, but be intentional about carving out a few minutes a day just for you. Even if it’s just 5-10 minutes sitting in your car before picking up your child or walking in the house. While the definition of personal time will be different for every mom, it doesn’t discount the criticality of making sure you have it. Also, don’t be afraid to lean on your network for support with your little person(s), as needed, so you can make sure your tank isn’t running on empty.
2) Give Yourself Some Peace: Now that you’ve blocked off some time, it’s time to give yourself some peace; engaging in mindfulness is a very easy and effective way to practice intention and self-love. Light a candle. Pray. Meditate. Unplug. Journal. In other words, do what calms you. For me, my ‘me’ time can often include getting a mani-pedi or a massage, listening to music, going to a fun workout class, or even enjoying one of my favorite shows alone over a glass of wine. Mindfulness is all about muting any and everything that undermines your peace while focusing on present moment awareness. Relaxing your body while reflecting on the things you’re grateful for will quickly train your mind to view life through a lens of optimism, gratitude, and love.
4) Give Yourself Credit: As your thoughts start to shift towards optimism, gratitude, and love, be sure to give yourself some praise. Whether you realize it or not, you, my friend are killing it! While it may be hard to give yourself credit when you feel like there are countless things you can improve, you can’t forget or minimize all of the things you’re doing well. So, give yourself a little praise and attention! Simply put, learn to be your own personal hype woman and cheerleader because, sometimes when you need a round of applause or a pat on the back, no one else has the insight or awareness to give it to you. So, think about your positives. Try creating a music playlist or two; put together and listen to music that makes you feel empowered and celebrates the phenomenal woman that you are. Here’s a link to one of mine. Write a love letter to yourself or, at a minimum, develop a list of your strengths. Need help? Ask yourself…What are your gifts? What are you good at? What makes you feel good? What do you love most about yourself? Who is the person you want to be? Then turn them into personal affirmations and read them to yourself at least once a day i.e. whenever you need a personal pep talk (I’ve personally been caught giving myself pep talks in the women’s bathroom at work more times than I care to admit…). One of my favorite affirmations is “You’re a bada** mom, wife, and person who deserves joy, fulfillment, and success so go get it!”
Consider this my valentine to anyone out there, mom or not, who needs an excuse to recognize and care for their unique needs while prioritizing the most important relationship of all: the one with yourself. So, this Valentine’s season, fall in love with your imperfect self, not just on your good days or after you lose the 10-15 pounds you’ve been trying to shake, but every single day: Do you…Be you…Love you.
Because if you can’t love yourself, how in the world are you going to find space and energy to love anyone else?
If you enjoyed this post and would like more information on being intentional with your motherhood, check out my posts on value and goal-based living, intentional self-care, childcare and development, and relationships.