Shelter-In-Place. Quarantine. Lockdown. Social Isolation. No matter what you call it, approximately 75 percent of Americans and millions more across the globe are currently confined to their homes in hopes of reducing the spread of COVID-19, aka coronavirus. In my last post on nurturing relationships in the era of coronavirus, I discussed the importance of investing in relationships that give you energy and joy during this time of isolation. While that’s a good principle for dealing with relationships in general, it can be a bit more challenging when it involves maintaining relationships with those closest to you...literally. If absence makes the heart grow fonder, many would argue that weeks of lockdown does the exact opposite.

Well...it doesn’t have to... 

Here are a few easy ways to maintain your individual sanity and collective joy during this time of crisis and social isolation:

Communicate...Even When It’s Uncomfortable:

The coronavirus and everything that comes with it (sickness, death, isolation, financial constraints, etc.) has been hard on all of us, forcing us to deal with the fear, stress, and uncertainty of what’s ahead. So communicate often; the last thing you want is passive aggressiveness or miscommunication while you’re in constant close proximity with others, and the worst distance between any two people is misunderstanding.

• Set some basic ground rules that can help everyone coexist more harmoniously while you’re consistently at home.

• Check in on each other during meals or downtime.

• Discuss how you're each doing, actively listening and internalizing what’s said.

• Watch for and observe what isn’t being said. Your children and spouse will often show you how they’re feeling better than they can tell you. So, do your best to listen to all forms of communication with the intent to understand.

• Address the elephants. When two or more people spend an extended amount of time together, it’s not a question of if problems or disputes will arise, but rather when. This is not the time to let problems fester, so encourage everyone to share issues or frustrations openly, honestly, and in the moment so they can be quickly resolved.

Set Aside ‘We Time’

Spending lots of time with those closest to you doesn’t mean you’re spending quality time with each other.

• Intentionally schedule quality time with your children, whether it takes the form of hosting a family movie night, trying a new dinner recipe together, or playing a board game or video game together.

• If you’re married or in a committed relationship, carve out time for true emotional intimacy.  Intimacy is often confused with sex, and while sex is an important component of intimacy, real intimacy is so much more. True intimacy is a sincere connection rooted in an exchange of energy, which takes time and intentionality.

• Prioritize time together without phones or electronics. Find or create shared experiences and hobbies, plan date nights, and make time to get busy.

• Focus on spending your quality time doing activities that bring you both joy. My husband and I are both huge hip hop music fans, so we often spend time talking while hosting our own private listening parties.

Set Aside ‘Me Time’

Carving out quality time is just as important to nurturing your relationships with others as it is to nurturing your relationship with yourself. Everyone wants and needs personal space to hear their own thoughts absent the voices of others and do the things they want to do.

• Don’t feel selfish or guilty if you need to have some time to yourself.

• Plan it out or do nothing. Take a daily walk around the block alone, regularly carve out 30 minutes to an hour of “free time”, or schedule one evening a week when you and your significant other spend the evening in different areas doing whatever you want once the kids are asleep (even if it’s absolutely nothing).

• Give each other a license to take ‘me time’ whenever necessary. While it takes a level of compromise by the other person, it’s a very powerful acknowledgement of each others’ psychological and emotional needs.

Show Gratitude

Gratitude is literally the lifeline of any relationship, but feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it. So, show appreciation not just for the things your partner or child does, but also for who they are as a person. I’m unbelievably appreciative for my husband’s support and partnership with this blog and raising our child, so I make sure to open my mouth and frequently communicate how much I appreciate it and him. Whether directed toward your spouse, child, or other family member, showing gratitude isn’t just about saying the words ‘thank you,’ it’s about an overall spirit of appreciation you show for the joy they bring into your life.

Extended shared isolation is the ultimate exercise in interpersonal and self awareness as you seek to understand, accept, and support each other’s needs, while still meeting your own. However, it’s important to realize that it’s a process. There will be good days and bad days; days when your kids or your partner are getting on your last nerve, and days when you can’t get enough of them, but regardless of what day it is, using these simple tips will help you and your family build stronger bonds and connections, transforming these countless minutes together into moments that last a lifetime.

If you enjoyed this post and would like more information on being intentional with your life, check out my posts on value and goal-based living, intentional self-care, childcare and development, and relationships.