Today commemorates the life and legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., and this year Dr. King’s message seems more needed than ever. Maybe it’s the deadly pandemic ravaging the world and disproportionately killing people of color. Maybe it’s due to recent visuals of violent, unapologetic mobs storming our nation’s Capital, or because the unjust killings of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and Andre Hill are still fresh in our minds. One thing remains true, decades after his death, the realization of Dr. King’s dream seems nowhere close to our current reality.

In my efforts to stay motivated and hopeful during this time of change and chaos, I was brought back to four key mindsets I discussed in my 2020 Vision series: gratitude, intentionality, optimism and faith/serenity. While each of these mindsets continue to be critical, Dr. King’s 1963 sermon entitled “Love in Action'' emphasizes another fifth, equally important mindset: forgiveness. King describes Jesus’s painful and agonizing death upon the cross, when rather than uttering words of revenge and retribution, he simply replies “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.” King explains that Jesus’s words demonstrate that forgiveness transcends a single action. Forgiveness is a permanent attitude that must become instinctive and habitual, allowing us to access radical love.

Forgiving others and more importantly yourself can assist in adopting the spirit of constant forgiveness Dr. King preached about and invite growth, improved health, peace, and divine love into your life this year and for years to come. 

Forgiving Others 

The type of forgiveness Dr. King preaches about isn’t the occasional acceptance of an “I’m sorry.” It’s a perpetual extension of mercy. Forgiveness is like a muscle, the more you use it, the stronger it gets. Practicing forgiveness everyday helps build a habit of instinctively responding to hurt, wrong, and injustice with empathy and understanding. Here are three practical ways to move from enraged to enlightened, and welcome more joy in your life and love in your heart. 

1. Let it out, then let it go: The worst thing you can do is to keep your emotions bottled up. So, let it out! Think about ways you’ve been hurt throughout your life. Write a letter, journal, talk with a friend or professional counselor, or channel your pain into a creative work. After you’ve begun the process of letting it out, commit to letting it go. It may take time, so be gentle with yourself. Attempt to dedicate a mindful minute each day to focusing on the pain that’s been inflicted, breathing in the emotions you feel, and breathing out forgiveness as you affirm, “I forgive. I release. I deserve peace.”

2. Look for meaning in the madness: The best way to turn the pain that surrounds us into power is by proactively seeking to learn from our losses. Seek to heal by finding meaning in what you’ve learned or gained because of the pain. Experience is the best teacher so try to turn every test into a testimony. 

3. Believe in the promise of a better tomorrow: Our world is full of oppression and inequality. However, what connects forgiveness to optimism and faith is the promise of change, improvement, and evolution. We should seize every opportunity to learn from our past while releasing any pain and resentment that binds us so we can focus on designing a better tomorrow for ourselves, our children, and the world.

Forgiving Yourself 

While forgiving others is important, like faith and gratitude, the most fundamental and primary form of forgiveness is forgiveness of self. In fact, the person that many of us must ask forgiveness from the most is ourselves. It’s important to acknowledge when we do something wrong or we risk falling prey to the same mistakes, but we must give ourselves the same grace and compassion that we seek to extend to others.

1. Own your wrongs/shortcomings: Reflect on and acknowledge things or areas you can improve. Go beyond rationalizing and creating excuses and own it! Whether it involves writing your wrong or holding a mirror confessional, take the time to articulate what you did or didn’t do, the emotions you’re experiencing, and any effects of your actions on yourself or others.

2. Make a ‘do better’ plan: Seek to understand the motivation behind your actions or lack of action. Ask yourself, “What underlying conditions or beliefs made me act this way or are holding me back from doing what I need to?” Create a “‘do better’ plan”. Your ‘do better’ plan should be no more than two sentences written on two post-its somewhere visible, and describe affirmations or actions you’ll now take to prevent from making the same mistake in the future.

3. Look on your bright side: Focus on and celebrate your bright side. Create a personal “Win List” detailing the successes or things you’re doing well. Try to come up with at least 10 wins across areas such as family, friendships, personal development, education, business, culture, service, etc. Place your list somewhere where you can see it regularly, then read through your list at least once a week or whenever you’re feeling discouraged as a reminder that you aren’t the sum of your mistakes. Continue to add to your “Win List” as often as you can. Reflecting on our wins conditions our minds to have confidence in and manifest more victories in the future.

Dr. King understood something powerful that we all can benefit from: forgiveness is a gift to ourselves more than anything else. Rather than dwell in anger, angst and anxiety over the pain that others have inflicted upon you or the pain you’ve inflicted upon yourself and others, embrace the peace and power that comes from releasing those negative emotions and grudges because, “they know not what they do…” Dr. King’s dream of equality is still being written, but we can get one step closer to his dream through “love in action” or actively demonstrating forgiveness toward ourselves, others, and our society.

If you enjoyed this post and would like more information on being intentional with your life, download my free ebook on living your life on purpose and with purpose. Also, check out my posts on value and goal-based living, intentional self-care, childcare and development, and relationships.