Being a mom, you quickly become familiar with captivating educational kids tv shows. One of my daughter’s favorites is a Netflix show called Charlie’s Colorforms City. In each episode, Charlie has a goal or mission, but he encounters countless obstacles intended to stop him from achieving it. He solves problem after problem until he encounters an obstacle that seems insurmountable. Just as he’s about to give up, Charlie turns to the audience and asks, “Is this the way our story ends?” He then exclaims, “Not if we’re the ones telling this story!” Charlie’s call-and-response is a powerful example of how a simple shift in our outlook can have a significant effect on our outcomes.

Over the last few weeks, we’ve been creating a renewed 2020 vision by working through our four focus areas: gratitude, intentionality, optimism, and faith/serenity. In part one, we focused on gratitude, which trains our minds to see and appreciate our circumstances: what we have, who we are, and the people that surround us. Then, in part two, we focused on intentionality, which allows us to think and act with greater awareness and appreciation for what we want and value.

This week, we turn to our third focus area, optimism, which is defined as the “tendency to look on the more favorable side of events or conditions and [..] expect the most favorable outcome”. You can think of optimism and gratitude as two sides of the same coin. While gratitude stems from a positive outlook and acceptance of the present, optimism encourages a positive outlook and acceptance of things to come, which is justified when you’re operating with intentionality. Optimism is a mindset that anticipates positive outcomes, thus raising our personal energy level and increasing the energy of others.

Be What You Want to Attract

Everyone knows people that always bring drama and zap your energy whenever they’re around; we also know people that have a great demeanor and give good vibes wherever they go. Whether positive or negative, the key difference is their energy. With effort, we can manage our energy, curbing negative emotions while intentionally fueling positive energy and outcomes, and allowing an optimistic outlook of the future.

Be aware of your thoughts: Be conscious of your thoughts; they are seeds that can either grow into flowers or weeds.They’re powerful, magnetic, and over time, shape your reality. Being conscious of your thoughts and emotions or “thinking about your thinking” is not only a powerful habit for your well-being, it’s also an important trait to teach and model for your children.

• Be mindful of how you interact with others. What type of energy are you giving off?

• Start your day intentionally with gratitude and things that bring you joy, positivity, and motivation. Whether it’s an affirmation, meditation, prayer, or empowering lyrics against a funky bass line, develop an easy routine to calm your mind and nurture positive vibes for the day ahead.

• Throughout the day, take periodic mental pulse checks of how you’re feeling.Try to neutralize any negativity as quickly as possible before it starts to fester.

• End the day with another easy routine to relax your mind and reflect on the positives of the day and the things you’re grateful for.

Seek the silver lining: There’s strength to be forged from struggle and lessons to learn from failure. Train your mind to immediately look for the good in a seemingly bad situation, to find the happy in the sad, and see the gain in your pain. For me, being in the house for the last two months has been really hard, but the extra time I’ve been able to spend with my 19 month old daughter and my husband has been priceless.

Replace energy vampires with energy boosters: Happiness and positive energy are infectious and contagious, but so are bad energy and negativity. ‘Energy vampires,’ drain our emotional energy, and while they’re often people, they can also show up in the form of toxic habits, like wallowing in past regrets, harboring feelings of anger and resentment, or becoming too consumed with what others think. Work to replace these negative influences with ‘energy boosters’ in the form of people, habits, and thoughts that add to our positive energy reserves. 

Focus on the Solution, Not the Problem 

When properly used, optimism can be a very handy strategy for problem solving, allowing you to focus on the solution rather than getting caught up in the problem.

Go from ‘Why Me’ to ‘What’s Next’: Optimists acknowledge the possibility of things going wrong, but they quickly move to “What can I do to make the situation better?” Optimism doesn’t require denial or ignoring what’s going wrong in our lives; optimism instead encourages us to acknowledge the negative, distinguish between what we can and can’t control, and take actionable steps to create a positive future. Think about what seemed like the worst moments in your life. Now, in retrospect, reflect on how those moments propelled you forward and made you into the person you are today.

Embrace reality: It’s impossible to look on the bright side if you haven’t taken the time to recognize and appreciate the full picture of your reality. Consciously taking time to accept ‘what is’ equates to self-awareness and allows you to identify what steps can be taken within your control to improve your situation for the better.

Acknowledge the worst-case scenario: Pessimism isn’t innately bad, but the problem arises when we allow our minds to fixate and wallow in the negative for too long. Defensive pessimism involves anticipating the worst-case scenario in specific terms, but doesn’t fixate on the potential negative outcome. Instead, it acknowledges the possibility, considers the impact, makes a plan in case the scenario becomes a reality, and quickly redirects attention to more productive, positive thoughts.

• Think about a worst case scenario. For example, what would happen if you or your spouse lost their job or passed away? 

• Ask yourself follow up questions to assess the scenario and come up with solutions: For example, do you have any other skills or trades you can monetize? What would it take to maintain your quality of life? What are your monthly expenses, and which expenses can be cut or deferred, if necessary? Do you have any money saved up just in case, and if not, can you start putting money aside? 

• Use the answers to your questions to create a plan. For example, you can commit to putting a certain percentage of your income into an emergency fund until you have a buffer of at least a few months, just in case.

Whether we realize it or not, our minds can either be our greatest weapons or our biggest threats. When we encounter problems or challenges, no matter how insurmountable they may seem, we should think of Charlie’s Colorforms City, and ask ourselves, “Is this the way our story ends?” It probably isn’t. We tell our own stories with the decisions and actions we take each day. Conscious thought and optimism can help us place things in the right perspective and acknowledge that everything difficult we’re experiencing is temporary, limited in scope, and manageable. Often what feels like an ending is really just a new beginning. So write your story rather than having it written for you, and remember, tomorrow is another page. While there are likely all types of conflicts, plot twists, and cliff hangers ahead, thankfully you know the author!

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